Backtracking Madness

Have you ever felt as though you were getting nowhere? I mean just same old, same old almost ritualistic behavior. I did, we'll actually, I do. Everything seems to have come to standstill. A roadblock if you will.

I was so stressed out at work from working 12 hrs shifts and difficult people, that we decided it'd be best to take a break and stay at home. It really wasn't what I wanted to do, but like I said, it was best.

So there I was sitting at home upon the array of mess. Clothes here, clothes there.There were dishes from the night before and the bathroom smelled like the pee of little boys. The floors were sticky and needed to be mopped pronto... and I had to do it all by myself.

Of course, the plan was to get the house in order while taking time off from work, but I didn't expect to have of the housework thrown on me all at once. I thought he'd help out a little like he'd been doing until everything became manageable and THEN I'd take on the title as domestic homemaker (ugh). Boy, how I was wrong.

Butterfly

So today my five year old son asked to visit his now deceased great-grandmother. He's says to me, "Mom, I'd really like to see my Grandma X. You know, my dad's grandma. I haven't seen her in a long time." My heart dropped. Though we've talked about this on many occasions, I never seem to have the right answer for him or me. How can I tell his tender heart he won't be able to see his grandmother anymore? Even though we went over the 'grandma has a passed away and she doesn't live with us anymore thing', I know he didn't fully grasp the idea she was really gone. Although I really cant expect him to understand at the age of 5, no matter how intelligent he is, I thought that his inquiring mind would soon figure out what was going on over time. Then again, I can also see why the little fellow is so confused. You see, his grandmother has moved into her mothers home (not to mention my answers weren't the best). Naturally, a young mind would have questions as to why his grandmother has moved in and his great-grandmother has moved out. "Why does Nanny live in grandma's house? What did they do with all of grandma's things? When will I see her again? Her car is still here. Why doesn't she drive it?" These are the questions I was bombarded with today. I was completely lost for words. As I fumbled to give answers gentle enough for my little boy, I came to a conclusion and simply stated, "Grandma's a butterfly. She is one of the many butterflies you see. I don't know which one she is, but be sure to be kind to them all because you never know which is her." Oddly enough, my answer not only gave him satisfaction, but I as well. It feels good to think that someone you loved so dearly is now flying freely, better yet, peacefully.